What size dilator do I have to use before transitioning to intercourse?

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  • #19603
    mm
    Heather34
    Moderator

    The question often comes up about what size dilator do you have to use before transitioning to intercourse. While going through treatment, I used the largest blue dilator (Pure Romance) prior to making love to my husband. Some other forum members, however, have successfully transitioned to intercourse while solely using the largest pink dilator (#5 of 6). I think it depends on your own comfort level. Dr. Pacik has written about this in the past and writes:

    “It is important for everyone to know that about 40% of my patients are able to achieve intercourse dilating ONLY to the pink #5 of 6. While dilating to the blue will help stretch the muscles sufficiently to make intercourse more comfortable, it is not essential.”

    #20323
    mm
    mazemelissa
    Moderator

    Partner’s penis size will also help determine which dilator to progress to before having intercourse. I think if a partner is as big as the largest pure romance dilator, or bigger, it is essential to complete the dilation set, and sometimes even dilate bigger.

    I think when possible you want to try to dilate a little bigger than your partner’s penis in order to ensure the transition to intercourse will be successful.

    Crystal delights makes glass dilators larger than the 6/6 size in the pure romance kit.

    You can also purchase dildos that look and feel like a penis that you can practice with prior to attempting intercourse.

    #20441

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20442

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20443

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20444

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20445

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20446

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20447

    Agree with Melissa-try and dilate one size larger than your partners penis size. This will allow you to be confident that intercourse will not hurt and create a much better experience.
    I also like the idea of a dildo that look and feel like a penis. We recommend a dildo called Bendies. It is softer than a traditional dilator and it vibrates.
    Best of luck to every one who is at this stage of dilation and ready for intercourse. Remember to use a lot of lubricant and have fun!

    #20801

    Twinkle
    Participant

    Hello girls,

    I’m on size 5 of silicon dilator but don’t know how to move to practical intercouse.
    Still find myself nervous. Any advice will be helpful. Thanks

    #20802

    Hi Twinkle -it is awesome that you have been able to insert the size 5 silicon dilator in. We suggest having your first intercourse when you can dilate one size larger than your partner.
    The first few times you attempt intercourse it may be somewhat complicated and awkward-remember to keep your sense of humor.
    We recommend a few positions for your first attempts-these position stimulate the insertion of dilators.
    Dilate first, then lie at the edge of the bed with your legs open and feet propped up on chairs. Have your partner stand between your legs. If possible, have your partner insert the largest dilator first, then using your hands or his hands, slowly insert his penis into your vagina.
    Another position we suggest for first intercourse is missionary position.
    Once your partner is fully inside and you are relaxed and not in pain, let him start to move slowly and gently.
    Remember to use a lubricant and have fun!

    #20805

    All good stuff here….One of the things I remind our vaginismus patients about is that dilation is a transition and so is starting to have intercourse..Like dilation, it’s a process that is mechanical but also brings up an array of feelings and emotions, all of which are totally normal. But as we’ve seen with so many of our patients, it’s a phase and with time you can establish not just a new routine sexually, but feel totally different about your sex life, your body, and the future ahead.

    #20856
    recessivegenequeen
    recessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Tons of good advice here. One thing I want to add that my boyfriend said to me while we were working on dilation together – “A penis is going to be way better than a hard plastic dilator!” And he was right! By that I mean that even though in a way a penis is scarier than a dilator (emotionally speaking), it’s more comfortable than whatever dilator it’s comparably sized to. It’s less rigid, it’s warmer, and it’s hopefully attached to someone you love!

    Intercourse is scary, especially for those of us who have been dealing with vaginismus for a long time. But dilating gave me the confidence I needed to take on intercourse. If you’ve handled a giant dilator, a penis is a piece of cake 🙂

    #21331
    mm
    Helen Leff, LMSW
    Moderator

    Hi everyone,
    I think transitioning from dilation to intercourse is a wonderful topic to revisit. It’s to be celebrated even with competing feelings! Everything until intercourse with a partner has been a clinical endeavor so having penetrative sex with someone has meaning beyond the physical act. Know that your body is ready and even though it may feel mechanical at first
    with practice you will get there. Let us know how it’s going.

    #21735

    Hi everyone. I’m glad I came over to this topic. My boyfriend are attempting intercourse. He has been able to fully go into me but it’s been painful. I’m reading I should dilate one size bigger then my boyfriends penis. The last dilator I’m on, is the size of his penis. How can I get one extra dilator without buying the full set?

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