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May 14, 2018 at 12:08 am #22925
Hi Ezra, welcome to the forums and I’m so sorry to hear about your issues with sex! I agree that it very much sounds like vaginismus that you’re dealing with. I completely understand your depression and loneliness that this has caused – vaginismus often makes a person feel anger toward themselves that they can’t do something that comes so easily to most people. But you are so far from alone in this – so many of us have overcome it and can help you along your path toward a more fulfilling sex life!
Good luck with your gynecologist appointment! If this one doesn’t go well, I recommend looking for a facility like Congtythamtu that specializes in female sexual pain and will understand vaginismus more than your average doctor. I also recommend you consider getting a set of dilators and seeing if you can insert the smallest one to self-assess how severe your vaginismus is (check out the dilating section of the forums for a LOT more information about this). You can do this, and we are with you all the way!May 14, 2018 at 3:17 am #22929
thank you so much for being with me through this. i am so thankful for the people who understands me. I am still anxious with the procedure with my gyne. 😞. Hoping i can get through this. thank you again guys!
ezraMay 14, 2018 at 10:19 pm #22932
Ezra, we are rooting for you every step of the way! Please let us know how it goes! The gynecologists are there to help you so hopefully you get someone who is as compassionate and understanding as you deserve!May 16, 2018 at 8:17 am #22934
i thank all of you for your support. this coming monday is mu appointment. still feel a little anxious (became less because of your support and encouragement). I hope all will go well. thanks again!May 18, 2018 at 1:47 pm #22966
Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSWModerator
I know you must be feeling very anxious, but please remember the positive stories you have read on this forum. I have worked with many patients who had similar anxieties and they were able to get through them and work on their vaginismus.
Do you have any coping skills for you anxiety? You may want to try and do some calming breathing exercises, meditation, physical exercise or journal writing. None of these methods will completely cure the anxiety, but they can help lessen it. Wishing you all the best.May 22, 2018 at 1:11 am #22971
Hi Ezra, how was your appointment? I hope it went well!
I think imagining a good outcome is a good anxiety treatment – I’ve also learned from my therapist that anxiety often arises from feelings around the future, so another way to alleviate it is to focus on the present moment, to say “I am safe and okay right now” rather than letting your fears run away with you.
There’s the possibility that marijuana could relax you, but for some people using substances doesn’t really help. A lot of people before they’re diagnosed with vaginismus get told things like “drink some wine and you’ll relax,” but when anticipation of pain and discomfort is really ingrained (like it can often be for vaginismus sufferers) the substance often isn’t enough. It can be worth it to try it once and see if things like that help you though, just so you can know how you respond! just be sure to go in as openminded as you can and be patient with yourself if you feel like it isn’t working.May 22, 2018 at 8:17 am #22974
Hi everyone, I’m a new member, not entirely sure how to go about this so thank you for your patience! I’m 21, and I only decided to have sex for the first time about a year ago with my boyfriend. At that stage we’d been together for a year and I was very comfortable with him, and I took the first time’s difficulties with penetration just as first-time nerves. But we tried for months and I thought something was wrong with me, which is why I went to the doctor. My boyfriend has been perfectly patient and kind and has come to the doctor with me and has tried absolutely everything to help us both get through this, but I have to admit I’ve been feeling guilt making him go through this with me.
She was able to do an exam, I was really glad, but it was extremely painful. She asked me if penetration was painful and I said no, because it was literally like hitting a brick wall – as in, penetration just wasn’t happening. It couldn’t get to the stage for it to be painful, if that makes sense? She diagnosed it as vaginismus, and prescribed anti-anxiety medication and said that it SHOULD work but so far, it hasn’t, and I’m getting a bit hopeless. She said if it didn’t work we could look into dilators so I’m glad I have a lot of options.
I decided to join this forum because I wanted to ask if it was normal to lose hope, and even interest in sex at this stage? I just don’t enjoy anything to do with sex anymore, and even doing the things we usually do, I can’t enjoy it anymore because I get so into my own head.
I wanted to ask if anyone had any advice for just wanting to keep going with it? I know it will work out eventually, especially if I keep going with my treatement, which I intend to do, but at this stage I just don’t think I want to.May 22, 2018 at 1:08 pm #22975
thank you so much for checking up on me. My appointment was moved to nextweek. Me and my husband took a leave from work to spend our anniversary. My gyne advised that the procedure be done aftr our getaway. I was anxious honestly but i need to do this for me and for my husband. The good thing was my gyne took an extra mile to help me with this. I wanted her to check me down there for any unusualities and that can be done only when inam sedated. My gyne asked the anesthesiologist to assist her to het me sedated. It melts my heart knowing there are those people that will help me go thru this. I also wanted to thank everyone of you who encouraged me and supports me all the way.May 22, 2018 at 1:12 pm #22976
Welcome to the forum. Feel free to open up and tell us your feelings and concerns. I am also a new member. I felt alone but after joining this forum i was so glad that somebody understands what i am going through. So pls don’t lose hope. We are all here if you need someone to talk and ventilate your feelings to.May 23, 2018 at 6:51 am #22980
Thank you for your reply!! I’m just feeling so not-normal lately and it’s driving me crazy. Sex isn’t a happy, nice thing anymore, it’s just frustrating. And I’ve become paranoid lately that my boyfriend is getting impatient with me (though he’s really not, and he’s been absolutely perfect through everything, which even makes me feel even more guilty) that I can’t even enjoy the other things we’ve always enjoyed.
Lately I’ve honestly just felt like forgetting about it, it might not be worth the struggle, is that a normal feeling?May 24, 2018 at 3:49 am #22981
Fortunate for us to have understanding partners. I am married but until now we are still trying our best to find solutions with this situation i am in. Lucky for u to have a Boyfriend who understands u. at first it might be normal to feel sad, hopeless and maybe worhtless but just think of ur future husband someday. might as well address your problem now so u wont have any problems in the future. I can feel what u are feeling coz we have the same concers all of us here. So just try to seek for medical/psychological help (i did too). I am on sched with my gyne for a vaginal check under sedation. If you feel down just share your feelings here. all of us are here for each other. Goodluck!
EzraMay 26, 2018 at 7:35 am #22983
Maisiemaisie, welcome to the forums! First of all, YES, this is an extremely normal feeling!!! There was a multi-year period after which I learned my issues with sex were vaginismus and I actually did something about it. Vaginismus is a big thing to confront and it’s EXTREMELY normal to feel reluctant, sexually disinterested, or even in denial about what’s going on because you’re tired of feeling all the negative feelings associated with vaginismus.
HOWEVER, as normal as those feelings are, the biggest regret I have about my vaginismus is that I didn’t get it treated sooner. I spent a looooooooong time waiting to feel “ready” and in the end I never really was – eventually I got a strong push from a boyfriend toward finally getting treatment. It took a lot of work, but it was such a relief once I was actually doing it because I didn’t have to feel so abnormal anymore. It’s true that you can always save treatment until later if you don’t feel ready, but also, it’s something that’s worth doing as soon as you’re able because it’s a gift you’re giving yourself for the rest of your life. After 10 years of suffering, now that I’m post-procedure I finally feel normal, which gives me so much confidence in my romantic and dating life. Plus, being able to have sex gives you so many options going forward, both with your current partner and with future people you might meet along the way.
Feeling like giving up is SO normal. But there’s so much waiting for you on the other side if you keep going. And we’re always rooting for you and here for support if you need anything at all!May 26, 2018 at 7:40 am #22984
Ezralopez, I think it’s smart of you to wait until after your anniversary for your appointment – I’m sure you want some quality time to connect with your husband! And it’s so great that you’ve found a good gynecologist willing to go the extra mile – I had a lot of trouble early on with doctors who weren’t very compassionate or didn’t know about vaginismus before I went to the Congtythamtu Clinic, and having a knowledgeable medical professional in your corner makes all the difference in the world. Let us know how the appointment goes!May 26, 2018 at 9:29 am #22985
recessivegenequeen, yes i don’t want to spoil our short vacation so i and my gyne decided to move the schedule. Good thing she is very considerate and kind. I am determined already that this procedure be done, a little anxious thou but i need this for Us. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Share to you soon the outcome of my procedure.Thank you.May 28, 2018 at 9:13 am #22986
maisiemaise how are you now? Did you try to visit a gyne? Once you find a good gyne doctor you may air out your problem or concerns to that doctor and seek for solutions that may help you. In my case i did find a good doctor who is willing to go an extra mile. Hope you find yours too. Goodluck!
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