Story from a Military Husband
February 16, 2014 at 12:54 pm #9116
Dr. Pacik writes: “One of my visions in the creation of the VaginismusMD website was to share the stories as told to me by my patients. In a time when so little scientific information is available about vaginismus, it is actually their stories that have been so important for my own education. These stories are the fabric of vaginismus.”
In this regards, I wanted to share with the men the below story from a Military Husband:
“My name is D____ I am a Combat Engineer in the US Marine Corps. I met my wife in high school I was a freshman, and brand new to JROTC. We started dating in my sophomore year, and the rest of high school. We had decided not to have sex prior to marriage, because of our faith. On our wedding night we were unable to consummate our marriage due to what I thought at the time was my blushing bride’s nerves. However after several months I began to actually despise her, it was emasculating…and I thought and said several terrible things but I wanted to stay patient, and to work with her. I love my wife and even though I felt rejected I didn’t want to lose her, she was having a hard enough time with the doctors and her own guilt of failure.
I was determined to be able to make love to my wife before I deployed to Iraq for the first time…I deployed in Aug 2006. Then I thought surely before my second deployment…Oct 2008. I almost divorced her over all of this; I caused countless fights, and was an embarrassment to me. Did she just not want me or was she really having a problem the doctors can’t find. What about kids and family? Can I really deal with this my whole life? I was at my wits end we had gone to countless doctors, everything from general medicine, to “specialized” ob’s, even hypnotherapist, and head shrinks. nothing over 2 ½ years of trying, and doctors…then an ob suggested it could be vaginismus, and again told us that only dilation theory was the option with the same old ridged plastic dilators, one sex therapist even told us to use candles…yeah it didn’t work my wife tried self medication with wine, and even sleeping pills, but it was like trying to push against a brick wall not happening. And after 2 more years of doctors and failed treatments my wife gave up and went into a bad depression. Needless to say I was very worried. So with no other option I turned to Google…read several articles…one feminist website told me I was as basically misogynists pig for trying to have sex with my wife, and that I can have a “whole” marriage without sex. Then I found it, an article about Dr. Pacik’s work, I went to my wife and showed her, we were both skeptical but for the first time ever had a glimpse of hope.
We spoke with the nurse Ellen and she explained the treatment and emphasized the importance of working with the dilators, knowing how to use them, as well as her body, the Botox was just one part of a “whole” treatment. It really sounded different, but my wife sounded hopeful. She was impressed with the staff and the overall knowledge of the condition. I read Dr. Pacik’s website article on the dynamics of vaginismus and for the first time I actually started to understand what my wife was going through, what vaginismus really was. I wish I had understood that years ago.
I was unable to go to New Hampshire with my wife in late Sept. due to work commitments, however she came home with two new friends she e mails (my bride never talks to people, e mail phone or otherwise) regularly. She explained to me how important the “whole” treatment and gave me my “to do list” from Dr. Pacik, and how she was astonished with how loving the entire staff was, they called for updates!!! It was amazing. Within the second month I was actually able to penetrate my wife for the first time…we both wept…it was slow at first, but within a couple weeks, we were able to get more…adventuresome. On Jan 4, 2010 we found out that Lauren is pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I owe all of this to Dr. Pacik, and his wonderful staff,
Though sex is not necessary for a successful marriage, it is a vital part. Now that we are able to make love, I am now closer to my wife than ever before. Again thank you Dr. Pacik, and Staff.”March 11, 2014 at 5:04 pm #12606
I love this story. Is this the same one from the book? It’s so nice to hear a man’s side of things! I was a little disappointed that there were not any other husband’s there in the group counseling when I had my procedure done as I would’ve liked my husband to have the opportunity to hear other guy’s experiences. My husband is planning to write his own story but is wanting to wait until after we achieve intercourse. 🙂April 4, 2014 at 9:12 pm #12671
Yes, they were featured in the book “When Sex Seems Impossible…” Ch.15 “Her Story, His Story”.
Their more complete story with a touching commentary can be found on my plasticsurgerypa.com website by linking to
Another story can be found on the vaginismusMD,com website dealing with the heartaches of military deployment and its effect on vaginismus.
December 6, 2016 at 6:59 pm #20258
wow what a great story. very nice i love it
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