New Partners Post-Procedure
November 25, 2017 at 2:45 pm #22144
Like a lot of our challenges in life, vaginismus is one that presents new challenges and milestones to face even when we think we’ve beaten it. I experienced this fairly recently – I am no longer dating the person I was with when I went through the botox procedure, which brought up a lot of feelings with a new partner I have. There’s guilt, for one thing – about not being with the person who helped me so much with a problem that made me feel like a prisoner in my own body. There’s the fear that sex with this new person won’t work and that I’ll be back to where I was years ago, miserable.
Fortunately that second one didn’t come to pass and intercourse with a new partner was great and pain-free. But I know that I like to think of vaginismus as something I’ve overcome, that’s “behind” me. In a lot of ways this is true in that the worst parts of it are things I’ve worked on and the things I really wanted to achieve (intercourse with a partner) have been done. But even though vaginismus doesn’t define my sexual life anymore, it will always be a part of that story. I have to make room for it in my narrative because of how much it taught me. There will always be new challenges and new feelings, but I know now that I have the strength to face them.November 29, 2017 at 11:44 am #22157
While I’m sorry to hear you’re no longer with the partner who helped jumpstart your vaginismus journey (keep in mind though, you did most – if not all – of the hard work 😉 ), I am incredibly happy to hear that you achieved great and pain-free intercourse with a new partner! This is a milestone just like any other that you should be super proud of! 🙂 I know this post gives me relief too if I’m in that situation.
Glad to read that you recognize the strength you have now in facing new challenges. You’re awesome!November 30, 2017 at 11:43 am #22169
Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSWModerator
recessivegenequeen and Sks823,
Thanks for sharing that vaginismus will always be a part of you life narrative. We cannot change our past, but we can take control of how we remember it and frame it into our lives. Of course you will probably never be happy that you had vaginismus, but you can take from it what you learned about yourself, and of course that you are capable of pretty much anything you set your mind to, as addressing vaginismus is by no means easy.
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