Congtythamtu Blog: Vaginismus and First Time Intercourse

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  • #19042
    mm
    Heather34
    Moderator

    Hi all. Congtythamtu Women’s Sexual Health has an absolutely excellent “Better Sex Blog” with threads about all aspects of one’s sexual health, including vaginismus. In a recent Blog, Dr. BatSheva shares helpful tips for overcoming fear and anxiety as it relates to advancing to intercourse.

    Excerpts include:
    1. [B]eing comfortable with the larger dilators is a good beginning. Dilating for an hour with the #5 or #6 (#7 for larger partners) is a must and this applies to GYN exams as well.
    2. Addressing your anxiety with your partner and perhaps going out for supper and having a glass of wine.
    3. Candles, music, showering, bathing and relaxing together can be helpful for reducing anxiety.
    4. Knowing that your partner is on board in being gentle and not being aggressive, and backing off if asked to do so.
    5. First time minimal penetration, tip only, an agreement of no thrusting can allow a woman to get centered.
    6. For those who experience “leg lock” (thighs close with attempted penetration) try the “spooning ” position or “doggy style”. Gentleness is key.

    These tips were all incredibly helpful for me when my husband and I first transitioned to intercourse on July 4th (our sexversary – lol)!!! Seriously though, concerning number 1, I dilated in advance with the largest blue dilator (pure romance set). This helped me physically to get used to something inside of me and mentally, to know and realize that I would be stretched and removing it inserting my husband would not cause pain. Concerning number 2 and 4, my hubby and I did talk about it a lot in advance and this made us both feel more comfortable as he was nervous too. He had always associated any type of penetration as hurting me and didn’t want to hurt me. By talking about it and having him assist with the dilators as well, it helped him to relax more and to also know that something could be inside of me without the normal pain/fear/resistance response that we were both used to. Concerning number 6, I definitely had “leg lock” in the beginning and by using the doggy-style position, this helped immensely.

    What tips helped you when transitioning to first time intercourse?

    #19931
    mm
    Helen Leff, LMSW
    Moderator

    Hi Everyone,
    Congratulations to all of you on the work you are doing to overcome vaginismus.
    Transitioning from dilation to partnered sex can be a little tricky and Dr BatSheva’s tips will come in handy.
    Also, if you can laugh when things don’t exactly go as planned you are in good shape.
    Good luck to all of you and let us know how you are doing

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