Ideas to use for telling others about vaginismus

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  • #8539
    mm
    Heather34
    Moderator

    Hi ladies. Often, those who suffer with vaginismus do so in silence and rarely tell anyone about their condition. My hubby and I did this for years. Once we were cured, I did share my prior struggles with a few of my closest friends. It was still very difficult, however, to try to explain this and share such with family. In reading Walker’s recent post and story, I think Dr. Pacik had a wonderful idea of a good way to talk to family about the condition – providing them with a copy of the book and saying this is what I’ve gone through. It works very well for doctors. For those who want ideas to use for telling family and friends about vaginismus, I think this would work equally as well. What are your thoughts here ladies?

    #12930

    Janet Pacik
    Participant

    Another topic on this VaginismusMD Forum is: “Reaching Out to Young Women”.

    This topic was started by a young treated woman’s mother and gives her perspective of helping her daughter with treatment. I think that this is a very important topic and I wanted to share this link on this topic.

    #13957
    mm
    Heather34
    Moderator

    This is so, so, so important Janet and an excellent topic. So many young women today in November of 2015 post that they believe they have vaginismus but don’t know how to talk to others about it, including their family and friends. I love the idea of bringing it up as having a medical condition and it helps to take the awkwardness “sex” talk out of the equation. In the thread, Kfmom writes:

    So, how to talk to your Mom and Dad? Remember first and foremost two things: 1. This is a medical condition 2. Your parents LOVE you and want you whole and well. You don’t have to be best friends with your parents to ask for help. I am a big believer in writing a letter to address difficult topics and then talking it through. I think heather’s suggestions of starting with a note and perhaps dr. pacik’s book are good ones. I believe you will find your parents more understanding and supportive than you think. They will NOT want you to suffer for years with a condition that effects your adult well being. Don’t be embarrassed. Seek help. As parents our goal is to raise children to be happy, healthy productive adults. They won’t want this to stand in your way anymore than we did. In fact, it is heart wrenching. Our involvement with our daughter’s treatment has been more of a process vs. one big dramatic disclosure. When younger, sHe had a lot of trouble with irregular periods. We have a pelvic health specialist gynecology practice near our home and she was treated there when she was 15 and 16. She has also had the same boyfriend since that time. She was very open the first two years of their relationship that she was not ready for sex. When she turned 17 things changed and my husband and I assumed that they were now sexually active. It was a short time thereafter that she asked to return to the doctor that treated her at the pelvic health center because she had questions. That was the beginning of her two year journey to dr. Pacik. Shortly after after visiting the doctor she told me that she was experiencing a lot of pain and that sex and vaginal exams were difficult or impossible. She shared that the doctor had diagnosed her with vulvar vestibulitis. Over the next almost two years she was prescribed topical and oral medications, physical therapy, etc. with no real progress. We also saw a cumulative effect on her confidence and mental well being. Her relationship went through some ups and downs. She was depressed and frustrated and we were concerned about the side effects of the medication she was being prescribed to treat her pain. Our daughter is a very private person and would not speak about her progress or lack thereof that often. Time passed quickly but it was clear that the current course of treatment wasn’t working. I found dr. Pacik researching on the Internet. The more I read, the more his treatment approach seemed like the answer and exactly what we hoped for. We ed the office, My daughter filled out the forms and spoke to dr. Pacik and the date was set. You may hear a lot of things from you doctor(s) and parents: This will resolve itself in 2-3 months (the specialist) Maybe you are just not ready (dad) It will get better – it isn’t comfortable in the beginning (mom) Use lubricant … Use a different lubricant Try this topical medication … Now this one … Now that one Try antidepressants, neurological medications (lots of side effects) Physical therapy and so on No loving parent will want you caught up in this cycle. We want our daughter happy, healthy and cured – period. This is a medical issue and though it obviously involves sexuality it is not just about sex. We trust her choices and she has a strong moral compass. We are proud of her in every way now and always. If Dr. pacik’s program seems right for you, reach out. I believe your parents, like us will be relieved that you did and will support your treatment 100%. Good luck and if I can help or you want to talk to an understanding parent let me know. Heather – Thank you for your kind words and encouragement for Our daughter’s upcoming procedure next week. Congratulations to you on conquering your battle with vaginismus and sharing your success and support with the forum.”

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