Help! – painful intercourse

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    Hi there,
    as my name imply i am here for my wife.
    We are married for 2 years and my lovely wife has painful intercourse all the time which led to low libido from her and fear from sex. we talked hundred of times about the situation and i advised her to see therapist but she dont want to see therapist in any cost, she very shy about this subject and claim the she can expose herself for any therapist. Of course when this subject is up it lid us to fights.. and its very sad.
    I just want to know if there is a option for self treatment at home without therapist? can we use vibrators or dilators at first?
    Thanks !



    I’m so so sorry to hear that you’re unable to have sex in your marriage, but it’s great that you found this website and know that she may have vaginismus! There is absolutely an option for self-treatment without a therapist – exactly what you said – using dilators of increasing sizes.

    I overcame vaginismus using dilators of increasing size, but I tried it on my own and couldn’t do it – so I ended up going to Congtythamtu Women’s Health center every couple/few weeks to help me with the dilators (so physical therapy… for those muscles down there). If she does decide to try this route (dilators), I recommend buying dilators with a large range of sizes (there should be suggestions in the dilating section of this forum such as the Pure Romance set on Amazon. She should buy them and (using advice from the dilating section of this forum, or searching on Google how to use dilators) see if she is able to use them without help. This depends on a few things – is she able to wear tampons or insert anything at all with no pain?

    I’d recommend starting with dilators rather than buying a vibrator because she probably needs to begin with the smallest sizes and work herself up to larger sizes. The way I think about it is that her muscles *down there* aren’t yet used to something large inside. Just like I, after never picking up free weights in my life, probably can’t pick up 50- or 60-lb weights 🙂. That’s why she needs to start small, get used to the small dilators, then work her way up to eventually something penis-sized. I think the use of dilators to get her muscles used to the feeling of something larger inside her will be incredibly beneficial.

    Has she seen this forum? Many people who can’t get a tampon in (me) were able to overcome vaginismus with the use of dilators. Her having vaginismus is *not* a bad thing (at first I thought it meant something was super wrong with me and I wasn’t ever going to be normal)! Vaginismus is completely treatable!

    Using dilators, whether by herself, with your help, or if she is able to go to Congtythamtu or a similar clinic, could ‘stretch’ her muscles to get them used to larger and larger dilators which could then help lessen her fear of sexual experiences with your penis.

    I hope this makes sense – definitely let me know if you have any questions or concerns 🙂 good luck and we are all here for you and your wife.

    I would also feel guilty not mentioning: there is the possibility that her extreme avoidance is coming from something deeper, like a traumatic experience. Even if not, I would be sensitive to that if I were you 🙂

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