The spillover effect.

One of the common myths around sex is that it is just one compartment of a relationship. In other words, if everything else in the relationship is good — you get along well, have similar values, enjoy spending time together — then that can overcompensate for what is lacking sexually. However, I have seen time and time …

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Seeing vaginismus everywhere.

My husband claims I see vaginismus everywhere. Okay. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do…it kills me. When I see a woman who is totally avoidant of relationships I suspect she is fearful of penetration. When I see a young girl fearful of tampons, I suspect she is panicked at the idea of putting something inside. …

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Should dinner always come first?

I’ve been thinking of the very romantic notions we have regarding dinner dates. The typical order of events is: large, beautiful, (usually quite saucy) romantic meals and then great sex. In a way that makes sense because dinner is seen as the wooing and romancing which is then followed by sex. The problem with this …

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Dining and differentiation.

What’s the secret to making your love a lasting one? What’s the secret to keeping sexual passion alive? There’s no one best answer, and every couple is different. But many sex therapists, myself included, talk about something called “differentiation” as a key factor. Differentation means being able to take care of yourself, as a separate …

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But things weren’t always like this….

If I had a nickel every time a woman told me about her sexual situation with her husband and concluded with, “But it was never like that,” I would be a wealthy woman. After being married for 10 or 15 years, people compare what is going on in their relationship currently with what it was …

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The whole picture.

Good Housekeeping recently had an article, “Your Sexiest Self — Get It Back” (February, 2010). It poignantly described one woman’s loss of libido for all of the usual reasons: overwhelmed with life, kids entering the picture, relationship getting “old,” she was getting older. So the writer and her husband saw noted psychologist and sex therapist David …

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