Hope For Vaginismus

Suffering from sexual dysfunction is often a lonely struggle, especially for women who have primary vaginismus. It’s hard for the average person to imagine a couple being together for years and not be able to have intercourse. It sounds like a strange, bizarre phenomenon that can’t happen to modern, wordly, successful people who are in …

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When Touch Gets Touchy

Every couple is different. Every couple has its own unique dynamics and ways of connecting. Yet so many issues are the same from couple to couple and when it comes to sexual dysfunction, we see many of the same patterns in couples from all age groups and backgrounds. An example of this is what happens …

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What’s the secret to making romantic love last?

Dining and Differentiation What’s the secret to keeping passion alive? There’s no one best answer, and every couple is different. But many therapists, myself included, talk about something called “differentiation” as a key factor. Differentation means being able to take care of yourself, as a separate person, while you’re in intimate dialog with your mate. …

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An ode to being aroused.

The other day a patient who was coming from very far away on the train said to us, “I was going to read 50 Shades of Grey on the way down here, but then I figured I might get turned on and couldn’t do anything about it.” Hmmmm…It occurred to me that many of my …

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Sex and holiness.

I was speaking to a group of rabbinical students yesterday, and after the talk I was challenged by a young rabbi-to-be. He said that while I talked about sex being safe, consensual and fun, I had left out all references to it being “meaningful” or “holy.” He was partially correct. I struggle with what it …

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All the single ladies — Part 3; a new ism.

As I wrote about in my previous blog entries, I read a very interesting article by Kate Bolick, who cites Bella DePaulo. DePaulo, a social psychologist, created the term “singlism”, which is the “stigmatizing of adults who are single [and] includes negative stereotyping of singles and discrimination against singles”. In her book, Singled Out, she …

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