Musings on where desire comes from.

I have been struggling mightily recently with a spate of Ultra-Orthodox women who are completely desireless…I mean totally, completely. Almost asexual. I told my husband the other night that I am embarrassed to admit it but I sometimes despair when I’m working with these patients. We help, but it’s such a struggle. Sometimes I feel …

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Let’s get it on.

The Guide to Getting it On is a book by Paul Joannides. He describes himself as a research psychoanalyst and he writes a blog regularly for Psychology Today called “As You Like It”. He deals with a lot of important issues in both his book and in his blog, however his style in the book …

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On learning to kiss and other fables.

A woman I know told me the following story which I thought was wonderful. She has been dating a guy for the past few months who (by all accounts) seems like a keeper. They have a lovely relationship. One day a week or two ago they were on the phone and he said, “You know, …

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Asexuality.

The concept of asexuality first came to my attention a few months ago when I began to see a young woman who was struggling with the fact that she felt no desire to be sexual. As a teenager she felt ostracized from having no interest in sex of any kind. Her girlfriends were all talking …

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Adversity and desire.

It happens all the time. A tearful, distraught woman sits down and informs us that: Her husband is leaving her/has left her. Her husband is having/was having an affair. She believes this is due to the fact that they haven’t had sex in (you fill in the blank: 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 …

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I’ve been converted.

At the Medical Center I recently saw a patient who had rarely used vibrators. She came to see us to try to improve her orgasms, which had become weaker and taking her longer to achieve. We often see this in women as they age; sometimes it is a shift in hormones, which we can address, …

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A good day at our center.

Someone once asked me what makes a good day at our center. Today is one of those days. Today I got an email with a copy of a baby picture from a patient who struggled for 2 years with vaginismus. She is fine, having great sex and has a beautiful little baby girl to prove …

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Desire or “I want you!”

“I want you.” Three simple words, but somehow they seem nearly impossible to define. Desire can be very complex and often seems mysterious to us. It appears as a magical equation of attraction mixed with physical attributes, eroticism, passion, simple physical need, or love. And when desire is not there, in its place there is …

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Online dating in “The New Yorker.”

The recent article on online dating in The New Yorker by Nick Paumgarten was most interesting for its research. I had never heard about the history of online dating, and I was certainly not aware of the complicated algorithms that underpin the search process. He explained it all in a really interesting and accessible way. …

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