Letting go of Resentment

When we think of addictions we often think of substance abuse or gambling problems. However, as a therapist I often see patients who seem to be “addicted” to resentment. They use it as a coping skill, much like alcoholics use alcohol to cope and not address the real issues at hand. We have all been …

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Vaginismus: First Time Intercourse

For women who have suffered with vaginismus, the idea of first time intercourse can be an extremely scary thought! Dr. Peter Pacik, MD, FACS, who pioneered the Botox procedure for vaginismus with progressive vaginal dilation, and has trained our staff, shares his insights. Dr. Pacik writes: Perhaps one of the most difficult challenges that vaginismus …

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GO TO BED ANGRY!!

I read an interesting article that Terry Real wrote disputing the maxim of not going to bed angry. On a certain level, it makes sense to resolve a problem so that your mind can be free and clear to enjoy a hopefully good night’s sleep.  However, there are many advances in brain science and we now …

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Foreplay: What is it?

It seems like everyone knows what foreplay is, right? Or wrong?  A quick internet search of the term Foreplay brought me to numerous articles in Men’s magazines about “why women want it” or “how to give good foreplay.” Is it possible some men aren’t familiar with the concept of foreplay, or maybe just don’t know …

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Breakups Hurt

Relationship breakup is an issue that often comes up in my therapy sessions with patients.  Breakups—whether it be a brief courtship, a long dating relationship, a committed marriage—can bring on a mix of emotions that may fluctuate.  But somewhere, somehow, many of us have internalized this notion that life events should be experienced one emotion …

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What is your Private Sexual Fantasy?

We all have sexual fantasies, and most of us also have private sexual fantasies. Sometimes these private fantasies include degrading or violent acts that we do not actually want to play out in real life. However, these private fantasies turn us on and get us aroused.  Many women feel guilty that they have these private …

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Know Yourself, Experiment, Open Up and Be Real

I love Lena Dunham. She’s smart, funny and not at all afraid to be herself. So when a writer from her magazine called and asked if they could interview me for an article, I jumped at the opportunity. I like to think of our center, Congtythamtu Women’s Sexual Health, as channeling the spirit of Lena …

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And The Winner Is…?

I have been hearing a lot from women at Congtythamtu about tension around the issue of initiating physical intimacy from hugging to sex. Both partners waiting for the other to initiate - each accusing the other of not making the first move. Ideally, it seems that both partners ought to initiate equally. However, in most relationships, usually one person …

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Hope For Vaginismus

Suffering from sexual dysfunction is often a lonely struggle, especially for women who have primary vaginismus. It’s hard for the average person to imagine a couple being together for years and not be able to have intercourse. It sounds like a strange, bizarre phenomenon that can’t happen to modern, wordly, successful people who are in …

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Mindfulness for Better Sex?

Mindfulness meditation is now being offered as a treatment for a wealth of medical issues, including: depression, anxiety and chronic pain to name a few. While it sounds nice, what is Mindfulness? Mindfulness is about maintaining a moment to moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. It is also about acceptance, …

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