I am really enjoying the book, Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski. She is a sex educator, teacher and author. She definitely comes from the educator perspective as opposed to a therapeutic perspective which I find interesting. She spends the first part of the book explaining women’s anatomy in depth and encouraging women to look at themselves physically.
I think this is an important aspect of women understanding and feeling comfortable with their own bodies. This is a great introduction to female sexuality. She also encourages women to touch themselves so that they can understand what they like and dislike. This is also central to women having good sex lives.
She spends a lot of time in the book normalizing what women see, feel and desire. This is also an incredibly important aspect of what I do because so many women feel uncomfortable with their bodies and their sexuality. There are so many myths and misconceptions out there and education is essential to understanding and acceptance.
Nagoski then goes on to explain her theory of desire and how it operates for most people. She explains that everyone has a system of gas and brakes in relation to their sexual functioning. She said that some people have strong brakes and some strong gas. Both types of people need to be aware of how they are and what triggers they are responding to. She tells a story about a couple at her college that was headed in to finals. The male would get stressed and retreat with lowered interest in being sexual. The female would get stressed and have increased interest in sex. She had a lot of gas in response to stress , he had a lot of brakes. What should the couple do? She suggests knowing your style and discussing it openly with your partner. I agree that these are the best first steps to take.
I would take it a step further if the problem persists because I think there are medical interventions that can be helpful. This is where the author and I disagree because I don’t think she believes in medical interventions. Some of my patients do not want to go the medical route so this theory and strategies can be incredibly helpful. I think this is a great book for educating women and empowering them around their sexuality.