Where did my libido go? This is a very common question we get at Maze Women’s Health. Often decreased libido is associated with pregnancy, early parenting or menopause.
It is important to remember that 90% of sex occurs between the ears, not between the sheets. What goes on beneath the sheets is a reflection of what is going on outside the sheets.
Life gets busy; we stay at work late, we bring work home, work emails follow us via our cell phones and laptops, the kids need attention, divide and conquer, make plans with friends and household chores. All of these things leave little time to connect with your partner and feel the love that brought you together.
Make Intimacy a Priority:
- Date Night: At least once or twice a week go on a date where it is just the two of you-no cell phones, friends, or relatives.
- Early to Bed: Close the lights, lock the out the kids and plan on spending time together. At Maze, we counsel patients to schedule sex with their partners. We find that scheduled sex can work wonders in terms of staying connected.
- Set the Mood: Wear something sexy, shower together, scented candles and romantic background music all help to enhance libido.
- Anticipate Sex: Send a sexy text message describing how much you can’t wait to be together and what you are planning to do
- Break free from the ordinary: Change the time, the location, position and the initiator. Break out the video’s sex toys and sexual lubricants. Use candles, bubble baths and feathers. Explore your fantasies and make them happen.
Long term goals to help increase libido are:
- Lose weight
- Regular aerobic exercise
- Smoking cessation
- Share each other’s interests, do yoga or breathing exercises, use reliable birth control
- Avoid Mood Killers
- No talks of conflict during romantic time
- Remove visual disturbances such as photos of your parents, work projects, or dirty laundry
- Depression/exhaustion and stress are guaranteed mood killers
- Limit intake of processed baked goods and dairy
Foods that can help enhance your libido include:
- Black raspberries
- Dark chocolate
- Pumpkin seeds
- Peanut butter
- Viagra: It can increase blood flow to the clitoris and labia for a few hours which can help with arousal not desire
- Testosterone Supplementation: In the form of testosterone gel or a testosterone pellet. Many women we see in our office have very low testosterone levels. This directly coincides with low libido.
- Addyi: Addyi (flibanserin) is a prescription medicine which is used to treat low sexual drive. It works by targeting the pleasure centers in the brain. Specifically norepinephrine and dopamine.
- Oxytocin: Oxytocin taken 30 minutes before sex can help with both desire and arousal